


x

by uwua3



Category: A3! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Crimes & Criminals, F/M, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Illegal Activities, M/M, Other, Police, Song Lyrics, Song: X (Code Kunst ft. Lee Hi), Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-15 02:14:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29676834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uwua3/pseuds/uwua3
Summary: banri feels something once, and it’s all because of you
Relationships: Settsu Banri/Reader
Kudos: 7





	x

**Author's Note:**

> tw warnings ♡ blood, crime, illegal activities, injuries, police, swearing (heavy), unhealthy power dynamics
> 
> date written ♡ 06/15/20
> 
> music ♡ x — code kunst, lee hi
> 
> i promise, if you are sensitive to any of these warnings, do not read! at first, i actually wanted to expand on banri’s impulsiveness in order to feel something but it became this! this can be considered ooc :) this is every aspect of him exaggerated to be very extreme!!!

_I BELIEVED YOU WHEN YOU PROMISED ME_

_WHEN YOU PRAYED WITH YOUR HANDS TOGETHER LIKE A MOSQUITO_

_I BELIEVED, I THOUGHT YOU MEANT IT, I’M THE FOOL, IT ALL MEANT NOTHING_

_NOW I KNOW, THANK YOU_

Nothing was ever “good enough” for Banri. He felt nothing—absolutely fucking nothing no matter what he did. You noticed it too late: all the late–night drives on the verge of crashing, coming a little too close to the dark alleyway with two bloodshot eyes staring at him like he was a regular, the way he somehow knew how to roll his fingerprints just right in the police station. Banri wouldn’t react, hands up lazily like his criminal record was nothing, before he outran the cops with barely any effort.

You should’ve collected the evidence and left before it was too late. Now, you were in it for the long run, his ride–or–die until Banri got bored again, again, again. The handcuffs around his wrists had his name, you knew he could’ve broke them, snapped the middle chain cleanly without hesitation. But, Banri didn’t. Even as the officer pushed him against the side of the cruiser with you next to him, he grinned at you with the exact precision and bloodlust of a con–artist. Banri licked the blood off his bottom lip as you glanced at him, shaking and wondering why you let yourself get caught with him. Why did you decide to vandalize the building in the first place? Your mask heated your face, his was slipped above his mouth like he wanted the whole entire damn city to see his smirk every time they closed their eyes.

“Do you trust me?” Banri asked even though he already knew the answer, but it lacked empathy, understanding, _emotion_. You knew Banri didn’t feel anything, that was something you underestimated in his adrenaline–powered head. When you carefully nodded once, Banri’s eyes lit up like he was on fire, like he was made of every firecracker about to explode. He was right; you didn’t think twice before grabbing his free hand as the single cop on your trail cursed.

Banri liked this part the most, you knew that. The escape from the pig who thought this was gonna be an easy job, hiding out in a cramped tight area with the sound of your uncontrollable panting disturbing the silence, heading home with another one over the deadbeats. You never had to worry about being behind bars, Banri always won.

It was within the shadows cast by the local dumpster where he stuck himself against the brick wall, holding his breath. Banri’s hand was over your mouth to keep you quiet as you tried to make out shapes in the dark. A beam of a flashlight nearly hit your scuffed shoes, but it passed as you exhaled a sigh of relief, feeling yourself relax against Banri’s chest. You tried to pick up on his heartbeat that should’ve matched yours, the hard thump to show he was at least feeling alive. You didn’t hear anything.

When Banri’s arm around your waist dropped, your heart almost did the same. You wondered how easily Banri could rat you out, push you out to the center right now, and let the cop arrest you. It would’ve given him such an adrenaline rush, to have his own partner get caught and have him bail you out. You gripped his arm, he must’ve sensed you were on edge because Banri muttered something borderline comforting. Although you wished you could have read his mind, you were glad Banri couldn’t read yours or else he’d be tempted yet again.

When the coast was clear, you trailed behind Banri, nervously scanning your surroundings as you held onto his hand. Banri walked forward, stretching his arm back so you can have some sort of touch after everything you went through for his sake. You held on. You were afraid if you didn’t follow, you’d be left to die. You didn’t want to find out if Banri would do that to you, because you knew what the answer was.

* * *

_YOU CALL ME LATE AT NIGHT_

_WHEN I’M NOT THE ONE YOU WANT_

_YOU TELL ME ABOUT IT, FINESSING ON IT_

Banri had to _know_ , the restless urge to not feel so empty and hollow anymore. You knew he couldn’t follow the rules, couldn’t force himself to adhere to anyone because no one was “superior” to him, he was his own force. Banri was irrational, reckless, and intense all at once, and maybe that’s why you liked him so much, because he just didn’t care.

But, that meant he didn’t care about you either. For so many nights, he’d ghost your multiple messages before showing up at your bedroom window after winning a fight. If you told him to stop, Banri would just keep throwing more punches to piss you off. Tonight, was one of these nights, as you already had your first–aid kit ready at the base of the flowing curtain pushed aside. He threw his mask off, exposing his injuries underneath. It revealed a 17–year–old boy so tired, so exhausted of himself with the same shit–eating grin he etched permanently on his scarred face.

“Come here.” You ordered without looking, not bothering to check the time or else you’d start another fight and push him away again. Banri listened for once, picking up on the sharp edge in your tone. He dropped onto the floor with the stealth of a cat, moving to sit down next to you with a wary look. As you were rummaging through the box for band–aids, Banri nudged you with his hand, about to say something before you noticed the multiple cuts along his knuckles.

He really would never change, not even for you.

You suddenly started crying, dropping your materials to the ground as Banri stood in silence, staring at you with slightly widened eyes as he backed up. Of course, the one thing Settsu Banri was afraid of and it was you having emotions. Out of all the things, this was what made him want to run away. Not the violence he initiated every night.

“You always do this.” You forced out, trying not to sob as you took in a shaky breath. Banri’s blinked, once, twice, before he extended an arm towards your shoulder. It felt so lifeless, so cold, so unnatural that you couldn’t help but cry louder, covering your mouth as you hung your head over the first–aid box. How much of this had you used just in the last month? Why was so much of it already gone? Why did you already know Banri was coming tonight? When did it become a habit for your boyfriend to only show up when he was hurt? You always saw him at his worst, but he considered this to be his best.

“Y–You, you…” You exhaled, gripping your hands into fists as you wanted to say it so bad. You wanted to ask, if Banri ever loved you, if he was fully aware you knew he didn’t want you, that you were never his main priority. You just turned towards him, seeing one hand was already on the ledge of your window, typical. You cupped his face, attempting to smile despite the tears staining your face, brushing a strand of hair back behind his ear. Did Banri feel it? Did he know you loved him? That you would do anything if he asked?

“Please, stop fighting, I can’t live without you.” You begged, pushing back what you truly wanted to yell. Banri gulped, his eyes staring into yours for the first time in… how long has it been since he let you touch him like this? Why did it take so long just to feel the blood running through his veins, the beat of your thumb’s pulse against his cheek, the sharpness of every feature he had. He was a double–edged sword, and you willingly took him by the hilt.

Banri didn’t say anything, didn’t move, as you touched his face again and again. You needed this, to remind you he was alive, even with all the marks disfiguring his appearance. You were about to say something, anything, to break the silence before Banri took his hand off the window, putting it on your hand against his cheek. It was calloused, rough, awkward, like he hadn’t done anything else with his hands except wound and destroy.

“I’m sorry.” Banri said, and for once, you knew he meant it. It didn’t mean he was going to change, but he knew what it did to you. Made you cry like there was no tomorrow, want to scream every time you noticed he had an injury; Banri wondered how’d you react if he died. A sick, twisted urge in him spiked in his head even when he saw how devastated you were in the moonlight. Banri was so sorry, but apologies meant shit when they made him feel nothing.

When you bandaged Banri’s wrist in silence, he only stared at you as you mended his wounds. Banri didn’t boast about his upper hand that night, didn’t begin talking shit about every and anyone who dared defy him physically, didn’t even spit out the blood in his mouth just to scare you. Banri didn’t do any of those that night, just let you heal him to the best of your ability before he disappeared.

Before he left, Banri turned and looked at you like he really was sorry. Then, pulled the mask over his face before he was gone. Leaving the curtain billowing with the late wind and the window half–open.

The next time Banri called you, footsteps pounding on your fire escape, you readied your first–aid kit. You didn’t cry this time or the next, you didn’t feel anything anymore.

* * *

_CALL ME A BITCH, I’M PROUD OF IT_

_WHAT I WANT, YOU GOT IT WRONG_

_STOP IT, I GOTTA GO_

_I WANT IT MORE, I WANT TO SCREAM AND GROWL_

Banri was sorry he got you into this. You, who he knew loved him unconditionally even if it meant risking a criminal record against a police cruiser, even if it meant patching up his wounds in the final hours of dusk just so he’d survive to do it again. If Banri knew anything, it was you had dated him because you loved him, unlike Banri. Banri didn’t love you—you were just different.

You were unexpected. You were so in touch with how you felt, expressing your emotions with your heart on your sleeve and Banri took it and ran. When you were overwhelmed, you cried. When you were happy, you smiled. When you were angry, you yelled. You were so normal, but there was something about how emotional and empathetic and caring you were that he had to date you. When he asked, you smiled. You rarely did that nowadays, Banri thought he would gain the feeling you lost—happiness—but, he didn’t. It seemed like anything you sacrificed for him wouldn’t go to him, shame.

When Banri was overwhelmed, he went to go impulsively start a fight with someone he knew didn’t deserve it. When Banri was happy, he probably was because hell was about to break loose for once. When Banri was angry, there was nothing to be said. Banri didn’t function like you, couldn’t express himself in the way you did because he didn’t feel like you. Yet, it was so nice to see you behave the way you did without shame, embarrassment, or humiliation. Banri liked you in a way, but he could never let himself love you the way you wanted.

Banri didn’t want to see you. That night, where you cried, Banri thought he’d come running back for more of those tears. But, was he uncomfortable? Were you beginning to trust him a little bit too much? Banri snuck in the dorms again, knowing Sakyo was on his case for being oddly quiet in his room. Luckily, no one questioned the tape of video game background noises on repeat besides his desk. When Banri dropped his bag onto his bed with a huff, a desk lamp flickered on with the pull of a string as his roommate stared at him with piercing slanted yellow eyes, like a wolf would with its competitor.

Banri was about to curse, tell Juza to fuck off like always before Juza narrowed his eyes, giving him a warning to shut up before he made him. Banri complied, knowing how thin these walls were. Juza just stood up, stepping closer until he was a close distance to Banri, his nostrils flaring and lips snarled. Banri, surprisingly, didn’t like fighting Juza. The evidence was right there next morning, it was just begging for a scolding and lecture from Omi.

“I know what you did.” Juza stated, but Banri almost had to laugh. There were so many things he’s done in his entire life, not to mention just the past month alone, how could he single it to one? Before Banri could give some bratty, sarcastic answer to make him mad, Juza continued.

“Banri, how long are you gonna keep hurting people for your own gain?” Juza asked without looking away, the silence hanging in the air. The tension was so unbearable, Banri just laughed despite the late hour. He knew Taichi was probably stirring awake just from the noise, fuck. Juza didn’t move, even when Banri got closer and fixed his collar like it was nothing.

“Juza…” Banri started, avoiding his eyes as he patted his shoulders with a little bit too much force. More than necessary, that is. “Stay out of it, will ya?” Banri turned to unload his goods, knowing stealing was usually at the bottom of his list, he just needed to get his mind off you. Juza scoffed, standing still as he gazed upon the things Banri somehow claimed without revealing who he was to the authorities.

Reaching out, Juza managed to snatch the deep purple mask from Banri’s back pocket, not needing to examine it any further as Banri spun around with a furious look. In that moment, when Juza said he knew what he did, it suddenly had more meaning now.

“This isn’t good for the company, you know that.” Juza reasoned but Banri was far gone. Banri had spiralled out of control much longer than everyone had anticipated, he hid it so well that no one realized the signs until it blew up in their face. At first, it was harmless little fights behind the school. Now, it was full scale crimes that he could actually be detained for, with a sentence in prison. Knowing Banri, he’d escape just to be in a car chase.

“You think I’d get caught?” Banri joked, pushing everything beneath his bed. Yanking the mask back, Juza pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to be as patient as possible. Before he could say anything, Banri threw his head back with a laugh so hollow it echoed. The desk light flickered again, leaving a moment where Banri was masked in the darkness, like he belonged.

“Don’t worry your ass off about it, the only person I’m hurting here is myself.”

Banri purposely left your name off his tongue. But, Juza knew, knew that nothing would change.

* * *

_YOU MAKE ME WANT FOR SOMEBODY ELSE_

_WHAT I WANT, YOU GOT IT WRONG_

_EVERY DAMN THING YOU KNOW, I WANT IT MORE_

_JUST BRING ME HOME_

“You could die.”

Banri didn’t react, not looking up. He was sat on your floor, closing the curtains tight for once and making sure no one could see him. You were on edge, eyes nervously darting to the window like the police would bust in any second. You stood over him, your shadow hiding every feature as he disappeared within the depths.

“No one said this came with being a damn criminal.” You cursed, crossing your arms and double–checking the locks. Banri had his same old mask in his hands, letting the few streetlights ghost over the material. How long had it been with him? He met you first time in the mask, you haven’t looked at him with it since, like you wished it wasn’t apart of his life anymore. Banri spoke, a heavy edge that had no particular meaning lacing his words.

“No one said you had to be with this damn criminal.”

You paused, slowly turning towards Banri who was still staring steel–eyed at that damn mask. You stomped over, pulling it out of his hands as Banri shot to his feet, about to protest before you stopped him.

“Don’t you get it?! I love you,” You paused, as if waiting to hear it said back to you. It never even crossed Banri’s mind, that’s how insignificant and temporary you were to him. You didn’t know why you even tried anymore. Ignoring the built–up tears choking up your words, you carried on with a shaky tone he was used to hearing.

“But, I’d rather you alive in prison than dead at some crime scene.” You admitted, feeling your hand shake around the mask. Banri nodded, but he wasn’t listening, you knew that. He didn’t flinch from your honesty, he was ignoring you like always. He didn’t bother listening to anything that went against him. You stared at the mask, like it was the source of all your problems, you had never hated something so much in your life.

“Just give it back.” Banri demanded, snatching the mask back with such quickness you couldn’t move out of the way. You watched him open the window, about to leave again, as you blinked away the tears. All he did these days was give you a reason to cry over someone who just didn’t care.

“Do you love me, Banri?”

Banri paused at the ledge, opening his mouth like he wanted to respond. One look at your face and he shook his head, whether out of disagreement or his inability to truthfully answer, you’ll never know. Banri forced the mask back on, concealing his identity as he slammed the window shut. You knew he wouldn’t be gone for too long, you’d see him on the news the next morning.

* * *

_ON A WINTER NIGHT, I’M TAKING A RIDE ON THE RIVERSIDE HIGHWAY_

_THAT WE USED TO DRIVE ON_

_WE WERE IN THAT SMALL PRIDE NEXT TO THAT HUMMER BENZ AND ROVER_

_STEP ON IT, YOU GOT IT, SWITCH LANES, LET’S RIDE IT_

_BEEP BEEP, YOU’RE LOSING, CURSES COMING FROM YOUR MOUTH_

“This just in, police are on the lookout for infamous thief, X, who stole a police officer’s car and drove it straight into the river. If you have any information on this criminal—” A blurry, grainy snapshot of a teen with a purple mask climbing to the bridge appeared. “Contact your local police station now.”

The news was nearly inaudible over breakfast that morning, but you didn’t dare look back at the television screen. You knew who would come by your room tonight as you gripped your phone in your hand.

Anything in the name of love, right? You would do anything for the ones you loved, dialing the familiar number and bringing it to your ear. A ring passed before someone answered.

If only Banri loved you like he loved death.

* * *

_YOUR ATTITUDE, YOUR MANNERS_

_YOUR STYLE, YOUR FRIENDS, YOUR CREW_

_I JUST GOTTA LEAVE, I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE_

_I’M BUSY, DON’T CALL ME, ESPECIALLY WHEN I’M ASLEEP AT NIGHT_

_IT’S TOO LATE TO APOLOGIZE, YOU MADE ME INTO THIS_

Banri was already pushing open your unlocked window, slipping in without a sound as he landed into the empty apartment. Strange, you would’ve already been waiting for him like the good person you were. Patiently sitting with your first–aid kit open and restocked for your favorite patient. Pulling off the mask, Banri glanced around to see all the lights were off, the city being your only source of illumination. Everything seemed untouched, in an odd way. There were no creases in your favorite spot on the sofa, no dirty dishes left at the coffee table, the blankets folded and organized. It was as if you hadn’t been home all day.

Before he could move another step, Banri heard a quiet breath. He snapped his head towards the sound, automatically preparing to fight but it was just you, standing nearby. You were already looking at him, a blank expression masking anything you were feeling at the moment. You held eye contact with him over a duration of silence. Not even one question, condolence, or argument. You didn’t say a word. Banri blinked, just to confirm you were actually there.

It was like another day, except you weren’t crying. There were no more tears to be spared, especially over someone who didn’t love you back. You just acted like there was nothing wrong, staring again and again as if this was the last time you’d ever see him.

Banri didn’t get a chance to move closer towards you. With one step, a creak of the floorboard, you straightened your back, not hiding anymore.

“Banri, I love you, you know that, right?” You asked patiently, Banri nodding hesitantly in response as he warily looked around the apartment. He didn’t get a chance to question a thing as you stepped closer, automatically causing him to move back quickly.

“Do you love me, Banri?”

A siren. No, multiple red and blue sirens flooded the dark room as the sets of tires screeched against the pavement. You looked different tonight, maybe it really was the lighting. Before Banri could put his mask back on and run, you placed your hand against his cheek just like that night weeks before. The hard thump of his heartbeat was audible, you wished you could’ve heard the sound even more.

You ran your thumb over a scar beneath his eye, a shaky smile on your dry lips. You wished he said it back, maybe you would’ve helped him escape.

“You should’ve loved me.”

Banri put his hands up with no where to run this time. X marks the spot.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! i love you!! — bunnie 💗🐰 ♡ (go to my tumblr for more writings @uwua3)


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